I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
