Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize