I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
