He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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