This girl is more easily done than said...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
