You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
