if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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