I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
