I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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