I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
