Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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