he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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