I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
