if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
