not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
