i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
