Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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