A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize