Just fell off a train. Bad.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
