My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
