how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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