I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
