he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
