thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
