Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
