got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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