Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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