I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
