Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
