I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
