I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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