I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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