Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
