highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
