Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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