i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
