I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
