You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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