I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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