ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
where am i from again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need to rekindle our bromance
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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