He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
