Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
