hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize