i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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