ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize