I wannas sexs uuuuu
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
