hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
