Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
