birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
