Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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