So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
