I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
