Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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