idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I touched a dick in church today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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