if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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