I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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