HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
