so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
