She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
