You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
