at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Come on in and take your pants off
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