I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
