If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
