and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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