i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
