I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
