While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
