the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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