I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
