Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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