so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
