i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
