for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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