apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize