So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
