nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
